she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
