I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
