i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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