I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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