just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
