so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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