I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
