Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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