There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
