I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
