last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
