I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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