I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
