You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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