do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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