I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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