looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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