I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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