I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
