he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
