Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im holly from the hills drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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