During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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