moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
