Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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