Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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