haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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