He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
