Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
