I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
