its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
