I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
