come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
