Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
