I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dick very happy bro
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
