Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
