I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize