sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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