I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
