I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mom said you looked used
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
