Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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