you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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