I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
