my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
