so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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