You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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