So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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