Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
