do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
