Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
