This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".