Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
