Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?