I swear she didn't look like that last week.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
