I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??