Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum