Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Less talking, more tequila
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!