sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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