I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
where are you?
Hypothermia
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
