you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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