I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
