I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
