I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize