Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
