I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
