Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
