and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
