My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I did not marry a roomba.
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