You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this beer tastes like vomit already
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
