I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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