I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
