Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
