I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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