someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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