Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
