Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
