No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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