why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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