the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
