i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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