Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
