Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
