I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
