Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
