That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
