Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
