is your mom at the bar?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize