I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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