Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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